Toys and Tricks
by Hoactzin
Summary: One step forward, two steps back. A tale of escapes, drama, puns, and horribly inaccurate summaries. My first Fanfic!


**Author's Note: **So, the moment finally comes. My first fanfic. I feel so naked, ready for all of the reviewers to open fire on my undoubtedly horrible story. Or worse, no reviews at all… *a manly tear rolls down my cheek*

I'm sort of hoping to start a sort of Myth Arc, with this story acting as the first entry.

:(

I'm sort of hoping to start a sort of Myth Arc, with this story acting as the first entry.

At any rate, if you do review, please point out any mistakes, grammatical or otherwise, give helpful feedback! The first chapters are likely to be rather slow (And maybe a little short), but I assure you, they will pick up speed. Thank you, and enjoy the story!

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The Quantum Butterfly is an odd creature. It is almost invisible, such is its speed. Most people never see them, for the occasional one that happens to find its way out will move on faster than most people can perceive their passing. Flitting back and forth in great display of black-and-blue iridescent wings, it is supposedly one of the most beautiful creatures in the world. Not that anyone is happy to see them.

If one sees a Quantum Butterfly, that means that a major break in the walls between words has happened, for the butterflies feed on chaos, energy, discord. Slowing to absorb the energy of the whirling chaos outside of the worlds, people see not their beauty, but their terror. Not evil, not good, merely animals than have long evolved to take their nutrition where they can. For they live in the moments between seconds, the places between places. There is no life there but them. Or at least, everyone hopes so.

They are not unusual here.

They are not unusual anywhere.

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**GUN Penitentiary Facility for the Criminally Insane or Just too Smart for Their Own Good, 8:35 A.M.**

If one was to circle the prison, one would see the imposing grey walls. The old-fashioned floodlights surrounding the courtyard. A more observant person might note the DNA cannons, their tranquilizer rounds keyed to the convicts' very scent and ready to turn on and start perforating the unfortunate targets at any time. See the cells. See the occupants. One occupant in particular…

_Sometimes, I wonder if one of the smartest men in the world made the smartest decision in his life._

Dr. Ivo Robotnik. Creator of Metal Sonic. Destroyed half of the moon, broke the planet into pieces. Twice.

Rotting in a windowless, 15x10 foot concrete cell, the only furniture a bed that had seen better ice ages and a toilet that had some sort of primordial ooze trying to escape from the bowl. Robotnik had toyed with the idea of making some sort of biological weapon from the horrific mixture, but eschewed that after remembering what every single other one of his free-willed creations inevitably did. He didn't really feel like being backstabbed by a creature composed of what began to increasingly resemble the Blob.

Dr. Robotnik sighed.The cells in _his_ bases were constructed of stainless adamantium, the only material that could hold most of the people he faced. It was tougher than concrete, more durable than steel. It could hold the most powerful of beings, up to and including Sonic the Hedgehog. It could withstand a nuclear blast at close range. It was the most powerful material in the world.

At times, for Robotnik, freedom was a simple chain link fence away.

The irony was not lost on him.

Robotnik looked up as a loud klaxon announced that the door was opening. Two guards walked in, both large, intimidating mobians, like all of the rest of the guards. "One Doctor Ro-bot-nick? It is time for your lunch and so-cal-i-zing time." The smaller of the two spoke (apparently meeting his daily polysyllabic quota), the other one apparently saving his energy for glowering and looking scary.

As Robotnik walked into mess hall, strangely light on his feet for such a large and round man, he walked over to what might have been his only friend in the prison, a Russian named Ivan Malkovich. He had been robbing a bank and had the misfortune of taking a chaos emerald as part of the haul. He had run into Knuckles on the way out, and had thrown a car at him. Since that kind of action was frowned upon in polite company, Knuckles promptly punched a hole through the flying SUV and engaged Ivan in a fistfight. While Ivan didn't _win_, per se, he still had both of his arms attached and in the same orientation as they were beforehand, thereby elevating him to badass status in the facility.

"What is friend Robotnik doing today, hey? Plan to break out?" Robotnik sighed. Ivan could be sort of embarrassing to be around. He was certainly more intelligent than the average bruiser, but still had nowhere near an IQ of 300. Who did, except for that accursed fox?

"Actually…" Robotnik leaned closer conspiratorially. "I AM planning an escape. It involves me making an arc welder out of cutlery and creamed corn." Ivan roared with laughter and slapped Robotnik so hard on the back that he felt his bones creak out of alignment momentarily. Yes, _very _embarrassing to be around.

"Haha! My good friend Robotnik. He is strong, like bear! Smart, like bear! Just like bear!" At times, Robotnik couldn't tell whether Ivan was just putting on a stereotypical Russian façade or whether he really was that… silly. Robotnik laughed along with him, enjoying the rare moment of camaraderie.

He slipped the packet of creamed corn into his pocket, along with the spoon.

**3 days later**-

The explosion rocked the complex, blew out half the west wall, and shut off the electricity to the entire prison. _Rather nicely done, Doctor,___Robotnik thought to himself. _Another stylish escape from prison._ Ivan stumbled out of his cell into the now alive with light courtyard, clutching the iron bar from his cell in his hand. "Ah, that kaboom was strong like-"

"Bear?"

Ivan looked at Robotnik disapprovingly. "No, like meteor-"

"Not like bear?" Robotnik couldn't resist.

"You make Ivan sad when you mean, Doctor Robotnik." Ivan sighed. He was actually okay with it. He was from mother Russia, and had great sorrow in his heart. He humped his chest in a suitably manly way, eliciting strange look from the other inmates who were escaping. Ivan ignored them and continued walking.

"We must leave before cannons come back online, friend."

"No bother, I hacked them to shoot the guards. Their DNA was already in the database, the fools." Robotnik allowed himself a small chuckle.

"What? How…"

"Relax, my article-challenged friend. Anyone who can make a stable plastic explosive out of creamed corn and cheap plastic utensils can do _anything._"

"Robotnik, we still must leave-"

"Please, Ivan." Robotnik made his way to the storage room opened the door and started rummaging through the stunned warden's filing cabinets. He found his small black glasses and put them on. He smiled. "Call me Eggman. _Doctor_ Eggman."


End file.
